When I Watch the News...

I feel as if I am a character on 90s sitcom Friends, trapped inside a TV, looking out at all the open-mouthed ordinary people, waiting for a laugh. And yet my sitcommy life goes on. And I'm having a great time, half an hour at a time.

Out there, things looks so very different to my three-walled imitation of life. People starve and die out there. Or get blown up because they happen to be in the wrong place - such as a school - at the wrong time.

In here, I get to hang out with Jennifer Aniston, crack regular jokes for which someone offscreen has prepared me, and disappear from the spotlight after thirty minutes of scrutiny. My life is well lit, uninterrupted by the silent extras behind me, and generally lovely. Full of friends.

Sometimes the coffee is cold, though. It looks better on film, but it's very unpleasant. Nothing worse.