Safe and terrified

I have only noticed this year how often I feel scared.

I suspect I haven't noticed until now because I've been too scared to question my version of normal. The truth can hurt, and getting hurt can be scary.

I have a pile of Things I Fear Most, but they are all stitched out of the same stuff and the stuff is paradoxical, which means it is probably true.

Here they are: I'm afraid of my own invisibility and I'm afraid of being truly seen.

So I flit from one truth to the other, always overcompensating for whichever of the unspoken fears is not being acknowledged. Sometimes I go to great lengths to be seen because I feel invisible. Other times I go to great lengths to evade the sunlight because of the truths stitched beneath my skin.

Sometimes I am un-selfconsciously myself. This is sometimes beautiful and beauty sometimes hurts. 

So there. Why am I telling you this? I don't even know who you are. Why are you reading this?